Hmmm….Not too comfortable about this being on ‘BabyCalm’ actually. What you focus on grows…….it looks like they have said quite enough and I don’t want to see it repeated….always best to ignore bad behaviour! imho
Have you got something great to say about what BabyCalm did to help parents at the Show, Sarah, instead? I would prefer to read and ‘like’ that.
Yes – that post is coming tomorrow!
That’s horrendous! That’s really all I can muster!
Do these people HAVE children or do they just prey on naive new parents…!?
Why is this on BabyCalm? I too am not impressed – ‘teach’ a new born baby – really. We see enough of this rubbish in the mainstream media etc. it doesn’t need to be highlighted here – I don’t get why it was?
I think you’ve misunderstood! we are highlighting it because we don’t agree either!!!
That made me feel really sad. I’d hate to think that the mums I work with might hear some of that ‘expert advice’.
Dear Baby Calm,
yet again you are taking my words and taking them out of context and missing the point of them. If you had listened to my whole talk which was 30 minutes long, you would know I talk about enjoying your baby, lots of cuddles, learning to listen to your baby ,becoming a confident mum, giving daddy time so you can have some time out and daddy can get involved.Responding to your baby when they need you.
The mis quotes are as follows- You missed the words ‘naturally’ hungry from the first quote this is backed up by research and pedeatricians.
The quote- All babies can sleep- also backed up by pedeatricians and Dr Christopher Green.
The quote all babies need sleep more than they need food, has been misquoted – I was talking about the research about older babies needing to have a deep sleep for their brain development,immune system and to repair their bodies when exhausted ie skin, hair .
The feeding to sleep association has long ben recognised as the cause of babies sleep issues.
Another misquote – ME time- Remember the person you were before you were a Mum. This helps mums be more in control and also a more confident Mum.
Also backed up by Councellors.
The last quote about putting baby in their own room as soon as possible, was not completed. The vital part you missed out was – in the day for naps.This way your baby gets used to their room and a secure and comfortable when the time comes to move them into their own room when you are ready to do so.
I have been asked by The Baby Show for the last 4 years to be on stage as I have been helping parents for the last 24 years. I have done 3 years full time training, in Physical, emotional,intellectual,linguistical and social aspects of babies and toddlers.I have worked in hospitals, nurseries, homes and schools.I actually know what I am talking about.
However I do agree on several things you have brought to people’s attention. I agree that Alison Scott-Wright has no right to be called an expert, especially in reflux, she has no qualifications medically and non medically. She stood on stage and told a lady to stop the medication she was giving her daughter . No one should be telling the mother that except her GP/ paediatrician. She is also in breach of all the SIDS advice .I also agree that it is disgusting she was charging for her advice on her stand.I have never charged for my advice in 4 years.
I do hope that next time you take the time to really listen to my talk and understand that I am just trying to help sleep deprived parents and PND mums get the support and help they need. And that’s what we have in common. Trying to help.
Thanks for your reply Jo, I thought you would read this.
We actually listened to your talk in full 6 times over the 3 days which I’m sure you know as we were directly opposite you when you were speaking and I’m afraid the above is not misquoted. I have also read your book (and Alison and Clare’s!) in full too since we last “spoke” as I agree it is not fair to comment on anybody until you are fully informed on their point of view. I actually agreed with lots of your book and in the opening section found it very good, but we differ greatly in opinion on the issue of sleep, babywearing, co-sleeping and many elements of breastfeeding.
This was word for word what you said on Sunday, I’m sure that sometimes you forget to add qualifying information, we all do that and sometimes what we mean to say doesn’t come out in quite the right way, so I hope you will take this as constructive criticism which can help you to tailor your information in a way that makes it sound less authoratative and more clear that it is your own opinion. I’m sure you are aware of what a priviledged position you hold when you are given the opportunity to work with vulnerable and oftentimes naive new parents (I remember vividly how naive I was first time around) and in this position of power it is *vital* the we present the public with clearly research facts and a variety of options so that we can empower them to choose their own way to raise their baby.
I would be very happy for you to attend our conference in May for free and would love the opportunity to discuss certain elements, particularly the expectation of baby sleep and attachment, with you if you would like to attend. We have lots of wonderful, world renowned speakers who could help to inform you for your future practice.
I have full respect for anyone who sticks to their opinions *providing* they have full knowledge of the pros and cons of their approach and would respect you much more if I was certain that you did know the full physiology of infant neuropsychology. It’s not the fact we disagree I have a problem with – it’s the fact I am often scared by what you say as it does not seem to be based on scientific fact. For instance I don’t know if you know that nobody – baby or adult – “sleeps through” – so at 4mths a baby who lays quietly in his/her cot will not be laying there asleep the whole time, they will have woken a minimum of 12 times and not called out for their caregiver, for the enormous majority of babies this is not normal and physiologically speaking it is not desirable. An infant needs to spend more time in active sleep than an adult as they need to be more aware of their environment and be alerted/alert us to any problems – this is a major facet of the SIDs discussion. If you said “all 4 month olds should happily lay quietly in their cot for 12hrs and not alert us when they have woken, many, times” I would have no issue! (though, naturally would disagree!).
I must also point out that I think you have the wrong impression of BabyCalm, it became very obvious to us that comments in your speech were pointed at us. FYI we do not expect anybody to be a martyr and suffer with sleep deprivation forever more, we do not expect every mother to have perfect maternal instinct from day 1 (far from it!) and we definitely do not expect parents to just ‘get on with it’ and not moan. In fact if you could have seen me in Sainsburys this evening with my 4 kids you would realise I am so far removed from the judgemental earth mother you seem to believe I am! I’d love to send you a copy of my book when it’s released in the autumn, our approach in the book is very clear and will make a lot more sense to you!
I’m glad you were as shocked by Alison’s speech as we were. I actually used to work in the pharmacovigilance department for the pharmaceutical company who manufacture gaviscon and saw first hand the side effects on infants who had been admistered the medicine incorrectly. This constant misinformation to parents needs to come to an end now. We have a duty in this role to do the best for the parents *and* the babies and the people they will grow to me and the circle of parenting they will perpetuate with their children.
Would also love your thoughts on this Jo:
Did you know about this before? and if not does it effect whether you would go back to the show? we are undecided whether to return based on this information.
I will repeat that you didn’t listen to my speech , or chose to listen to certain parts and not others. I tell parents that like babies adults wake in the night as they come into light sleep, but most adults just turn over, and get comfortable and fall back to sleep. I also said that the difference between babies that sleep through and babies that dont , are the babies who wake when they come into a light sleep go back to sleep themselves without us having to intervene. Where as babies that have gone to sleep by a sleep prop- feeding ,rocking etc expect that prop to go back to sleep.
Also if you really think that my speech was at any point directed at you , you are very much mistaken. I wrote my speech 3 weeks ago , when I had no idea you were going to be there.
I would Laos like to point out that my book was written 7 years , and since then have been researching and working with physiologists , pedeatricians and other qualified people , as I know that my book needs to be updated which is what I am working on at the moment.
I suggest you put your efforts and energies educating parents about people like Alison rather than me, who realises I am so privileged to be asked to help babies. In fact I say just this in my book. And I work so very hard to make a difference to sleep deprived parents who will all tell you how grateful they are.
I am not going to comment anymore on this post , I know that I do my best for all those parents and babies and will continue to do so when asked. They choose who they want to ask help from.
I will continue to go to the Baby shows , as I always have done , and give my time for 3 days for free to support all the parents who need support with sleep.
Jo – can I please have the details of the research you use to support your statements eg “backed up by pedeatricians and Dr Christopher Green.” Can I get a citation please for all the comments you say are supported by science – I would like to have a read through before I blog :)
“They choose who they want to ask help from.” – the thing is they didn’t did they? that’s what this post is about – there was no balance, no pros and cons, no informed choice – just one way for all, the parents this weekend had no choice presented when it came to acquiring sleep information……………I am in no way implying that’s your fault, it’s totally Clarions – which is why we are lobbying them to provide a good range of speakers to provide balanced information, presenting *both* sides of the story (on any subject!).
Well that was downright terrifying.
Just out of interest, do you have any children of your own Jo?
I think its impossible to call yourself a baby expert. Babies are totally different and there is not a one size fits all soiltion which many people seem to think there is. Following your babys cues and working out what tgey are telling you and things will sort themselves out as long as you respond to their needs efficently and in a positive way.our socuety seems to be in a rush for them to grow up and becone indepentat asap.
Interesting how when questioned these so called ‘experts’ come across as defensive and childish! I seem to remember Tizzie Hall’s responses to the Analytical Armadillo were also dismissive and lacking in supporting evidence. I maintain that if you have full confidence in your methods and advice you will have no problem being questioned on them and providing scientific evidence to support what you are saying.
Cry it out and controlled crying buttered up with different names if not in the babies best interest. All baby trainers use this quick fix and claim parents thank them for it but in the long run the child whos needs are ignored so parents can have that ME time pays for it. Also parents pay for it to as it effects the bond between baby and mum. It is an inhuman way of treating vulnerable babies. It is a selfish way. I cannot stand how baby trainers claim not to use it when it all effects the child in the same way no matter how you sugar coat it. It does do harm, crting yourself to sleep when you are a baby Will effect you. It dosnt make you grow two heads so the “my child is fine” dosnt wash with me you cant know if someone else is fine this is the basis of how they will treat people from that time. If you cant trust your parents to help you when you are in need you cant ever trust them or any one else. This is why parents dont even trust themselves! its a vicious circle. Baby trainer wants to make money gives out quick fixes parents happy , quick fix wears off parents told to punish more by ignoring child even more! how is this ok? On top of that the breaking down of relationships with stupid breastfeeding advice like Jo and Clare has given out and Alison being to big for her boots over riding doctors when she has absolutely no clue herself. Remind me how much all these people charge to get your baby to sleep and how you have to pay to find out exactly what they do and by that time its to late to ask for your money back and reverse it. All a baby needs is love, mum, snuggles and a boob or formula however you feed they dont need someone else coming in telling them they cant do this and that. They are only babies for a short time, yes you will be tired no one said it was going to be easy but I will say its worth it. They grow up so fast, hold them all you can now, ignore the baby trainers who want your money, do what your instincts tell you. You are not wrong or creating what they say you are you are creating a happy, healthy child who is emotionally stable and has good bonds with parents, baby trainers create attachment disorders. We have to many people suffering from them!
hear hear Anneke!
I think the most worrying of all are Alison’s comments re medical advice. To stand at a Baby Show and tell parents to use medications differently than advised (and if Jo’s comments are correct also advised a mother to cease medication) is truly shocking.
Wisdom my ass, this is ridiculous.
Pass me the champagne!
i feel like I need a drink after reading all that! Hic!
That’s why I stay away from those events Sarah! Shudder.
Oh dear….seems like with some things we are never going to be in agreement. I would like us all to just do what (I hope) we do…. help parents make workable decisions for themselves.. I don’t personally endorse much of what I have heard of Jo’s information, that’s not to say it might not work well for some people. As mother of five, all now grown and thankfully, wonderfully well-balanced, I used attachment parenting techniques, (way before they were called that) sometimes in a hit and miss way, sometimes losing my patience and occasionally, letting them cry a little, but mostly (and essentially) completely focussed on letting them know they were loved and fostering them in having a mind of their own to make their own decisions. I am also a midwife and ex-health visitor and with that background, felt I only really understood about parenting advice when I had my own children. I do really believe that everyone is doing the best they can with the information and background they have…and that includes us as people who run courses/classes and advise parents. Let’s all start agreeing to help parents to, first and foremost, build confidence in themselves, so they can be the discerning listeners and readers of all the available information and make informed choices, that work for their own individual situation.
“you’re a person before you’re a mum”?! as if a mum isn’t a person?i wouldn’t have wanted to hear that as a new mum (or any of the rubbish spouted by cbc) because it makes mothering sound like a chore, something you don’t want to do. there have been times (lots) when i wanted to wring my daughter’s neck, she’s a boob maniac, but with her being my second, i realise, it’s just what she requires- my son was different. it’s only from having my “fussy/difficult” daughter that i’ve learnt what my “good/easy” son missed. with him i followed this ridiculous school of thought (it was jo frost in particular) and patted myself on the back. now my son is nearly three, we’re paying for it, whereas my daughter (one) causes us no loss of sleep- she sleeps in our bed and feeds whenever she wants- she’s incredibly bright and independent, and SOCIAL.
I do [NOT!] admire the idea of quoting Dr Christopher ‘all babies are evil’ Green in support of one’s statements.
This was horrible.So scary to think this is what people are being told.
Dr Christopher Green had a stroke and re wrote his book again this time more gentle he has changed his views. Google it :) Just goes to show you dosnt it about baby trainers.
Please don’t tar us all with the same brush! I teach parents how to get their children to sleep better without leaving them to cry it out.
I am a firm believer in ‘it’s only a problem when it’s a problem.’
There is no right or wrong way. If you need help and what you are doing isn’t working for you I can help you make the changes.
I am also a firm believer that there is no one technique which fits every child. The technique should be as individual as the child.
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Calmer Babies and Happier Parents
Unconventional parenting wisdom from John Hoffman, Canada's most popular parenting columnist
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